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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783229">it was arrogance to think you knew how to handle this</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolcrocs/pseuds/coolcrocs'>coolcrocs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fae, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, BBBBBBBB, Baseball Bat used as a Weapon, Benrey gets smacked in the face, Fae &amp; Fairies, Found Family, Gordon is Not Fae and Screaming, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Joshua is Half Fae, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Single Parents, They/Themrey, Trans Gordon Freeman, but like my own fun way, i never feel like i tag enough, until he isn't</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:22:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolcrocs/pseuds/coolcrocs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gordon likes to think he's a pretty good father. Sure, Josh was a little unplanned, but he read all the parenting manuals he could get his hands on. There wasn't a sharp corner for his son to accidentally cut his head on, or any glass within a toddler's reach. And hey, four years without any major incidents? It's nothing to scoff at. Especially since he's been lacking in the number of people he can call on to help.</p><p>But then Josh tried to jump off the roof, because he figured out how to summon his wings and wants to fly! Gordon thanks his lucky stars that he was there to catch him, but he wasn't there when Josh discovered he could levitate things and promptly smashed the cookie jar on the floor! And was on a sugar high that lasted the whole night! And Gordon <i>really</i> didn't know how to react when Josh burned his hand on the iron pans that he keeps ON A SHELF HIGHER THAN EVEN GOD COULD REACH for THIS VERY REASON.</p><p>He definitely wasn't prepared for this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>698</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. being a single dad is hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon is at his wit's end.</p><p>Actually, upon further consideration, he thinks his wit ended two weeks ago, coincidentally around the same time that he found Josh in the yard halfway through making (what he hoped would be) an inoperable fairy circle. Because he didn't want to think about the possibility that his four year old child was capable of creating a functioning portal to who knows where! The worst part was, when Gordon scooped his son up and asked him what he was doing, Josh's only response was that he had to because Daddy wouldn't let him go into the woods alone.</p><p>It was times like this when Gordon made selfish wishes. He's loved raising Josh with all his heart, but stars, did he wish his other parent had stayed. Or, in an even deeper, darker part of his heart, Gordon wished that Josh was completely human, just like him. Because then he would know how to help him, what to expect, literally anything!</p><p>But, no, Josh was half Fae. And he looked it, too. His way too sharp teeth, the fact that his freckles practically glowed blue, which contrasted sharply with the dark skin tone he inherited from Gordon. It was easy enough to hide with hats and gloves, and there was a reason Gordon had bought a house outside of town rather than within the city limits. But that was easier when Josh had been a baby, not a vibrant and excitable four year old. He had absolutely no clue what he was going to do about school, not until Josh figured out how to use a glamour.</p><p>Gordon likes to think he's a pretty good father. Sure, Josh was a little unplanned, but he read all the parenting manuals he could get his hands on. There wasn't a sharp corner for his son to accidentally cut his head on, or any glass within a toddler's reach. And hey, four years without any major incidents? It's nothing to scoff at. Especially since he's been lacking in the number of people he can call on to help.</p><p>But then Josh tried to jump off the roof, because he figured out how to summon his wings and wants to fly! Gordon thanks his lucky stars that he was there to catch him, but he wasn't there when Josh discovered he could levitate things and promptly smashed the cookie jar on the floor! And was on a sugar high that lasted the whole night! And Gordon <i>really</i> didn't know how to react when Josh burned his hand on the iron pans that he keeps ON A SHELF HIGHER THAN EVEN GOD COULD REACH for THIS VERY REASON.</p><p>He definitely wasn't prepared for this.</p><p>Gordon's most prevalent nervous habit is his tapping. When he gets into his anxious thinking, he subconsciously taps his fingernails on something hard. Right now, it's his kitchen table. It's early, before sunrise, and Josh isn't awake yet. But Gordon accidentally woke up early, and all the fear came so quick that he knew there wasn't a chance he was getting back to sleep. So he sits and tries to be quiet, because there's nothing worse than waking up a four year old, Fae or not.</p><p>His mind berates him. Why did he think he could do this? Who the hell even qualified him to do this? He read all the parenting manuals, hell, he had them <i>memorized</i>, even now he could still recite passages. But still, he felt like he was fucking everything up. He wasn't good enough, and Joshua was going to end up hating him, like he hated his parents! Why the hell weren't there any Fae parenting manuals!? It seems to Gordon like there should be! Because if there were, then he wouldn't be a stupid, fuck-up of a-</p><p>And just like that, Gordon's self-deprecating spiral is interrupted by a knock at his door. At 4:23 in the morning. It's so sudden, so unexpected, that at first he thinks he may have imagined it, or it was just the table creaking. But then it comes again, louder, more forceful. Gordon's can hear his heartbeat, because who the hell would be coming to his house so early? Grabbing one of his kitchen knives seems like an instinct, and he hides it behind his back as he opens the door a creak.</p><p>It's a Fae, because of course it is. They didn't even bother to use a glamour, their skin somewhat close to human tones (if concerningly pale), with cat-like eyes that are clearly glowing in the dark. And they're huge, big enough that Gordon thinks that his knife won't be enough. It's not even an iron knife, what kind of father would be be if he owned something that was dangerous to Josh in two different ways?</p><p>Before Gordon can say anything, the Fae speaks first.</p><p>"Is this, uh... is this the right place?"</p><p>The question is so asinine that Gordon is genuinely thrown for a loop. "I... don't know?" he responds, after what feels like too long. "What are you looking for?"</p><p>Instead of answering, the Fae scoffs at him. "Wow, do you even know anything? It's your house. Cringe." None of it sounds genuine.</p><p>Gordon has to force himself not to be rendered speechless. "Did you just come here to insult me, a stranger to you?"</p><p>"Nah," they say. Full stop.</p><p>This Fae acts a lot like Joshua. Gordon wonders whether his son acts like a typical Fae, or this Fae just happens to have the exact demeanor of a small child. Based on limited past experience, he's inclined to believe the latter.</p><p>"So you came here to...?" Gordon trails off.</p><p>Still monotone, their expression unchanging, the Fae continues, "To... take the Fae baby. It lives here, right?"</p><p>Believe it or not, a stranger coming to your home and stating their intention to take your son does a lot to rid one of their self-doubt when it comes to parenting. Gordon slams the door in their face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aw jeez. made at the behest of my good friend.</p><p>check me out on tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. green to blue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon edges closer to his inevitable heart attack.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon immediately rushes to Josh's room, who he wakes when he scoops him out of bed. At first he's groggy and confused, but Joshua is comforted by his father's presence and quickly falls back asleep. Gordon holds his son, the most precious thing in his life, as he sits on his couch. He holds the kitchen knife tightly, away from Joshua.</p><p>He's not sure why nothing is happening. Gordon is half an hour deep into planning a move in his head when he realizes this. The Fae who was outside seems to have just done... nothing? Gordon's not entirely willing to believe they've just given up.</p><p>The sun begins to rise. The clock begins to creep closer to a time Gordon would usually wake up. He convinces himself, maybe, that the random Fae was just a one-off encounter. Gently, Gordon sets Joshua down on the couch, making sure he's still covered by the blanket from his room. He doesn't really want to leave Joshua's side, but at least he can still see him from the kitchen.</p><p>Joshua will probably be up soon, and Gordon wants to have breakfast ready by then. Having something to eat will occupy Josh for at least a little bit, which means any chaos he causes today will be delayed for at least a little bit.</p><p>As quietly as he can, Gordon starts sorting through his kitchen. He leaves the knife on the counter, within reach should the need arise. Normally he wouldn't make pancakes without a special occasion, but after the stress of last night, let alone the stress of the past month, he thinks he deserves some goddamn pancakes.</p><p>It's extremely easy to disappear into a task. Making breakfast while keeping an eye on Joshua is enough that Gordon doesn't begin asking himself questions, like why Fae would even be coming around and asking for Joshua <i>now</i>. He pushes thoughts like those aside, because he's a rational adult who's fully capable of compartmentalizing! He can have a panic attack later, when they've safely skipped town!</p><p>Once Josh wakes up, he's quick to his father's side, repeating "Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!" Josh jumps as he speaks, grabbing onto the edge of Gordon's shirt.</p><p>Well, Gordon thinks, Fae or not, kids love pancakes. He picks Josh up, holding him with one arm as he flips a pancake. "Whoah, no good morning?" he teases.</p><p>Josh grumbles out a, "Good morning" before attempting to climb over his father towards the stack of finished pancakes.</p><p>"Slow down there, kid," he says, pushing Joshua's insistent hand away from the plate. "What makes you think you're getting any?"</p><p>The absolute look of betrayal that Josh's face turns into is absolutely hilarious, so much so that Gordon has to stop himself from completely bursting into laughter. "But I want them!" Josh insists.</p><p>"Yeah, well, maybe I made them all for myself. Didn't think of that now, did you?"</p><p>Joshua furrows his brow and attempts to wiggle out of Gordon's grasp towards the pancakes. The safety hazard that is Josh messing around near a heated iron pan is not lost on Gordon, who cries out, "Josh, hey!" The words scare Josh enough that he freezes, allowing Gordon the chance to get Josh back on the floor, away from the stove top.</p><p>"Joshua," he says, in a typical dad warning tone. "What's the rule when Daddy's cooking?"</p><p>"Be careful around fire and pans," Josh mumbles, looking towards the floor. Gordon sighs, relieved both for Josh's safety and the fact he knew the rule. Gordon kneels in front of his son.</p><p>"I know it was an accident, okay?" he assures him, placing his hands on Josh's shoulders. "I just got real scared, there. That pan's hot enough that it'll hurt <i>me</i> if I touch it, you could have gotten seriously hurt." Which is... definitely something Gordon doesn't want to think about the implications of. He doesn't know if iron and fire burning stacks for a Fae, but he'd rather not find out.</p><p>Josh reaches forward and hugs Gordon, and for a moment, that anxiety is gone. Gordon just hugs his son back. He takes a deep breath, internalizes it for a moment, and then gets back to dad business. He pulls back.</p><p>"Why don't you go sit at the table, and I'll get some pancakes ready for you?" Gordon suggests. Josh's eyes immediately light up, and he nods happily. Gordon smiles as Josh climbs into his usual chair at the table.</p><p>Hopefully, that filled today's Joshua Incident quota.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- - - -</b>
  </p>
</div><p>For most of the morning, it rains, which Gordon is thankful for as it means he doesn't need to provide to actual reason he wants to keep Josh inside. However, it doesn't stop Gordon's eyes from straying towards the window, keeping an eye out for any movement. Even as Josh rambles as he scribbles vaguely humanoid shapes, Gordon can't find himself completely able to focus.</p><p>Because, horrifyingly, someone came to his front door with the purpose of taking his child. All Gordon can think about is potential encounters with this Fae increasing in severity. What the fuck do they even want Joshua for? It seems like a reversal from the old warnings he would hear growing up, that Fae would steal a human child and replace it with one of their own. Oh, if only Gordon could laugh at that now. Instead, he's clenching his teeth so hard that not even a single "hah" could pass through.</p><p>"Josh," Gordon says suddenly, interrupting the four-year-old mid-rant about princesses. Joshua looks up at his father, orange crayon stilled.</p><p>Despite Joshua's more chaotic tendencies, Gordon's heart swells when he looks at him. He thinks about their house, the place he's raised Josh in for the past four years. It's where he brought his son home for the first time, where Josh took his first steps, said his first words. The place their little family of two lives.</p><p>Which is why Gordon takes a deep breath before he says, "What do you think about moving?"</p><p>"Moving?" Josh parrots, his head tilting to the side slightly.</p><p>"Yeah, moving," Gordon keeps his voice steady. "Like to a new house. Somewhere else."</p><p>Josh turns back to his paper and continues drawing. "Um, all our stuff is here," he remarks.</p><p>"We'd take that with us, buddy," Gordon chuckles.</p><p>Joshua's eyes light up. "Let's take the house with us!"</p><p>Gordon hears the mail slot on the front door jostle, like someone is having trouble getting a letter through. Weird, they don't usually get mail. He decides to check on it later.</p><p>He shakes his head. "We can't take the house."</p><p>Joshua's bright smile turns to a frown. "But I like the house." He grips his crayon a little harder.</p><p>"The whole point of moving is that we get a new house," Gordon explains, but Josh still doesn't look too happy.</p><p>"But I wanna stay in this house! I wanna take it with!" Joshua begins shouting, and dear god, Gordon does not need to deal with this now. He's halfway through formulating a response when...</p><p>"Bro, just take the house with you."</p><p>Both Freemen snap their heads towards the hallway, where the strange voice came from. Gordon's heart nearly stops, as he recognizes the Fae from last night (or, more accurately, earlier in the morning). Except, he isn't exactly person-sized anymore. No, the Fae is closer to the size of Gordon's hand this time around, but that does not stop the anger that begins to rise in him.</p><p>"I don't understand the problem," the now small Fae says, absentmindedly scratching the stubble on their face. "S'not like you can't just take the house somewhere else."</p><p>Gordon shouts, "You again!?" at the same time as Joshua's, "Little guy!" He's almost too slow to stop Josh from running towards the Fae, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and holding him with one arm. It's easier, actually, to grab the Fae, who's four inches tall and doesn't make any effort to flee.</p><p>"What the fuck is your problem!?" Gordon yells into the tiny Fae's face. He ignores Joshua's scandalized gasp.</p><p>The Fae just looks annoyed and crosses their arms. "Man, I told you this, like, six hours ago. You should've remembered better." They point down at Joshua. "Just, um, give us the baby thing and we're all gonna leave you alone."</p><p>"I'm <i>not</i> going to give you <i>my son!</i>"</p><p>The Fae hums for a moment. "What if I like, marry you. Then it's also my son and I can take it."</p><p>"Wh- no!" Gordon sputters, "First of all, don't call my kid an it! Second-"</p><p>Gordon's cut off when the Fae begins to sing, small blue orbs flying into Gordon's face. Because, suddenly, a whole chunk of Gordon's anxiety and rage is gone, and he can't really remember why he was so mad in the first place. Mostly he feels... confused? He can faintly hear Josh saying, "That's pretty!"</p><p>Gordon gently lets Josh down on the ground, but he still keeps a grip on the Fae in his hand. "What did you just do to me?" he asks, his voice a little too unsure.</p><p>"Calm down," is all the Fae says. "Just give me the kid?"</p><p>Very suddenly, Gordon's anger returns tenfold, because <i>of course</i> that's why he was so upset, how could he forget? He's about to give this little shit a piece of his mind, but then Joshua sings. A stream of green and blue orbs exit his mouth, just like the one the Fae just used on him.</p><p>"Oh shit," the Fae, for once, looks thrown off. They squirm a bit. "You didn't tell me little dude was a mimic, man."</p><p>Gordon, once again, feels entirely unprepared for what he just witnessed. After a long pause, all he manages to get out is, "I've never seen him do that before."</p><p>The Fae laughs, but to be honest, it sounds more like cackling. "No shit. He can only do that when <i>I'm</i> around, because he's copying me. Stupid." They sigh. "He'll be able to do it a lot more if you just let him come with me, man. It would be way more fun."</p><p>Gordon's gaze finally returns to the itty bitty Fae in his hand. Walking them back to the front door, Gordon chucks them as far as he can into the woods.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wow gordon it's so cool u have 2 hands to hug ur son with.</p><p>also benrey is as big as they want to be. and sometimes that means going 4 inch tall to sneak into someone's house</p><p>please check me out on tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. this chapter is brought to you by the letter t</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone organizes a letter writing campaign.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>did somebody say "perspective shift"?! aka, we all know what gordon's going through by this point, let's check in on the others</p><p>also title is based on the fact i felt like there are a lot of t in this chapter. no, i did not think about the fact that this chapter is based around writing letters when i chose the title. i'm dumb of ass.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pattern continues. Benrey breaks into the human's house in some inconceivable way, or appears outside when he least expects them. Each time, Benrey asks for him to hand over the half-Fae, and they're quickly forced out. Once, the human even hit him over the head with a broom, which hurt a lot. But so far, Benrey hasn't been able to really talk with this guy, and it's so annoying.</p><p>Benrey sits on the back of a giant dog, arms folded as their friend does them the kindness of giving them a ride back home. Tommy had been there to pick up Benrey after they, yet again, failed to get the half-Fae. He'd tried to initiate friendly conversation, asking Benrey what they thought about the weather and telling them about their latest read. But instead of responding, Benrey had crossed their arms and looked at the ground, so Tommy stopped talking, at least until Benrey had piped up on their own.</p><p>"Man, I don't fucking get it," Benrey mutters to themself.</p><p>"Get what?" Tommy asks, looking back over his shoulder.</p><p>"This... this guy, man!" Benrey huffs. "He's like, so insistent on keeping the kid!"</p><p>Tommy turns his attention back to guiding Sunkist through the woods. "Y-yeah?"</p><p>Benrey groans, their head falling into their hands. "I don't understand why he just... won't hand over the baby! He won't even listen to me!"</p><p>"How many times has he kicked you out, now?" It's more of a reminder to Benrey than information Tommy needs.</p><p>"Ten."</p><p>Benrey vaguely recalls something about the definition of insanity Tommy said once.</p><p>They're both quiet, the only sound being Sunkist's paws crushing sticks and leaves as she trots forward. Glancing towards Tommy, Benrey can see his brow is furrowed in the way it gets when he's thinking very hard. Benrey falls in on themself a little bit, because they had assured everyone in the village they could do this on their own.</p><p>The moment they think it, Benrey realizes that they're actually pretty close to the village. They're not looking forward to the pitying looks they'll receive from the others when they realize that, yet again, Benrey has returned empty-handed.</p><p>Without meaning to, a trail of Sweet Voice escapes from Benrey's mouth, beginning with a stark white and ending with a deep blue.</p><p>"White to blue means you don't know what to do," Tommy states automatically, used to playing translator. He pauses for a moment. "Why don't- don't you come to my house?"</p><p>Benrey <i>really</i> isn't up for interaction right now, especially when they're pretty sure Tommy is going to spend the whole time they're together trying to cheer them up. "I dunno." They look off into the woods and slowly begin to slide off of Sunkist. "Think I wanna... wanna lay on the ground. Here. For a few centuries."</p><p>Tommy frowns. "I- I don't think not dealing with your issues makes them go away." He catches Benrey by the edge of their shirt before they fall completely off.</p><p>"Yeah, no. You're wrong," Benrey counters. "Let me go. Wanna be dirt."</p><p>Benrey feels bad when Tommy sighs heavily. "How about," he says, slowly and carefully, "you come to my house with me, and I'll... let you sit on my shelves?"</p><p>It's a tempting offer. Tommy does NOT like when Benrey shrinks down and messes around his house. Something about them being more of a hand full when they're closer in size to one. And what Benrey loves most of all about Tommy's house is their shelves, and they would be a fool to pass up the opportunity to climb them.</p><p>"Yeah okay."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- - - -</b>
  </p>
</div>Benrey swings their legs off the edge of on of Tommy's bookshelves. It is fun to be in high places when you are a small thing, they think. This bookshelf was located next to a window, near Tommy's desk, where Tommy sat as the two of them chatted.<p>They thought they were lucky when Tommy said they could sit on his shelves, but then Tommy starts talking about how nice the Sweet Voice is, and how they're very good friends, and he appreciates having Benrey around because they're the only other "young" Fae in the village, and oh god, is Tommy buttering them up?</p><p>"You know," Tommy says before Benrey can do anything. "I think it's really- really admirable! That you want to handle the Fae kid on your own. But..."</p><p>There it is.</p><p>"Tommy, I don't need your help."</p><p>"And I'm not offering it!" Tommy puts his hands up. "I'm just making a suggestion."</p><p>Benrey parrots, "A suggestion."</p><p>"Yeah!"</p><p>A suggestion is not... necessarily help, so Benrey is willing to listen. Besides, maybe some outside insight will help Benrey realize what exactly is going wrong with their human encounters, because they surely can't figure it out. "Okay, let me hear it."</p><p>There's a brightness to Tommy's eyes that Benrey almost attributes to relief. "Well, you said that the human doesn't listen to you, right?" Benrey nods. "Well I've found that it's very helpful to get your points across with written communication!"</p><p>Benrey blinks.</p><p>"You mean, like, I should carve my reasoning into his door?"</p><p>"No!" Tommy shouts. "You should- you should write a letter!"</p><p>"Yeah? Why?"</p><p>"Because... because when you write letters, it's like," Tommy struggles for a moment. "It's like all your reasons are already there! So you explain yourself all at once and don't get interrupted."</p><p>It's the first change of pace to Benrey's methods, which says more about Benrey's stubborn nature than Tommy's ingenuity. With Tommy's guiding hand, Benrey is able to sit down and write what can only be described as the most compelling piece of literature ever penned.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<b>- - - -</b></p>
</div><p>
  <i>hey human guy</i>
</p><p>
  <i>it's me. the fae that keeps showing up to your house. my name is benrey, and no you can't have it.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>that's a joke. you can't actually physically take names like me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>i just think it's really unfair that you won't hear me out bro. like i'm trying to tell you things but you don't listen. i was telling my friend about how you don't listen to me and he agreed with me that you're an unreasonable little crybaby. he told me to write you a letter because then you'd see everything i wanna tell you at once.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>okay so like. i really think you should give your kid to us.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>i get you feel like you have to keep it, because you made it, but the truth is you don't? like there are a lot of nice people here. some old guys. it's not like we'd be mean to the dude, if anything, this is one hundred THOUSAND percent better than your house.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>like, no offense, you don't know how to raise a fae. you're gonna mess it up, bro, so you better just leave it to us. we can take it.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>love forever<br/>
benrey</i>
</p><p>Benrey watches from behind a tree as the human reads the note. When he drops the letter and retreats back into the house, Benrey lets themself hope for a moment that it may be a sign of defeat. But then he reemerges with a lighter, and before Benrey can realize what he's doing, he sets the letter on fire.</p><p>It looks like he's crying.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as always, check me out on tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. anyway gordon time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two new challengers approach!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes everything Gordon has <i>not</i> to scream his frustration to the Fae (Benrey, APPARENTLY), who he’s SURE was watching him from somewhere. He bites his tongue, forcing himself to keep his ugly sobs and rampant swearing in. If only for the fact that he just put Josh down for a nap.</p><p>Gordon sweeps at the ash from the letter with his foot, scattering it across his front step. This has gone on long enough.</p><p>When Joshua wakes up, Gordon is going to tell him that they’re moving. He doesn’t care what complaints Josh may have, the fact of the matter is their house no longer feels safe. Hell, Gordon’s been sleeping with a bat next to his bed lately.</p><p>He can’t live like this. Not with the constant fear of someone coming to take Josh from him because he can’t be a good enough father. Never before have Gordon’s anxieties taken such a physical form.</p><p>Glancing at the clock, Gordon realizes that Josh has been asleep for a bit, close to two hours. It’s only slightly longer than usual (time sure flies when you’re teetering on the edge of a panic attack!), but it’s such a mundane thing that Gordon jumps on the chance to be worried about that instead. Quietly, he makes his way to Josh’s room.</p><p>Gordon hears thumps from his son’s bedroom as he approaches, so he knows Joshua is awake. He expects to find him going through his toy box, but when Gordon opens the door, he sees Joshua attempting to climb onto his window sill. A jolt of panic races through Gordon’s heart.</p><p>“Josh,” is all Gordon has to say, and suddenly Josh has turned around and is acting like he wasn’t doing anything.</p><p>“Daddy!” Josh returns with a smile. He runs towards Gordon and latches onto one of his legs.</p><p>Gordon tries very hard not to let Josh distract him. He picks Joshua up. “What were you just doin’, buddy?” he questions.</p><p>“Um.” Josh squirms, his eyes glancing towards his window. “I wanna go outside.”</p><p>Gordon’s mind flashes back to the letter. “I’m not so sure about that, Joshie…”</p><p>“B-but!” Josh begins to whine, and oh goodness, he’s breaking out the puppy dog eyes. “You never let me play outside anymore! It’s not fair! I wanna play outside!” He grabs onto Gordon’s shirt.</p><p>Joshua looks like he’s about to cry, but oh boy, does Gordon feel like it. God, what kind of parent doesn’t let their kid play outside? Well, the kind that’s had a stranger come around the house and demand their child, but when Gordon really thinks about it, maybe Benrey had a point? He’s gotta be fucking up real hard if Josh is so upset about not being able to play outside.</p><p>Gordon runs through a risk assessment in his head, ignoring Joshua’s constant stream of  “Please please please please!” Despite his concerns, Benrey has never tried to forcefully take Josh. Sure, there have been a few home invasions here and there, but as far as Gordon’s seen, they haven’t even laid a hand on his son. Not to mention, Gordon’s a responsible parent. He’s going to be watching Josh the whole time, so if they do try anything, he’ll be there.</p><p>“Alright,” Gordon concedes. Joshua cheers, but Gordon is quick to add, “Backyard, though. Go get your shoes.”</p><p>It turns out Josh is happy with anything, as he’s waiting happily by their back door for Gordon to put his shoes on for him. Gordon tries not to think about how bad he feels for keeping Josh cooped up inside all this time.</p><p>Gordon puts all his energy towards staying in the mindset of <i>‘I’m just a regular, level-headed dad taking his kid to play outside.’</i> However, stepping outside, Gordon is reminded of the fact that they live in the middle of nowhere and, aside from a small clearing for a few planets, their house is completely surrounded by the woods.</p><p>This was a bad idea.</p><p>But the way Joshua’s eyes light up, his hand gripping tightly to his bucket of outdoor toys, makes Gordon feel like maybe it’s alright.</p><p>Josh seems content to play on his own. In fact, he shoos Gordon away when he picks up one of his toys. Gordon isn’t sure whether it’s good that Josh is a little independent at his age, or if it’s a sign that his parenting is lacking.</p><p>Hopefully the former.</p><p>So Gordon is content to sit on their back step, watching as Josh pulls worms from the dirt and places them into the bucket. He’s not… entirely sure what the point is, but he’ll find out eventually.</p><p>There’s something to be said about having a kid. Sure, Josh looks like him, but it’s more than that. Whenever Joshua does <i>anything</i>, good or bad, Gordon’s heart swells for a moment, because damn, that’s his, isn’t it?</p><p>Joshua seems to have forgotten about the worm bucket. He’s focusing on his hands, Gordon recognizing his puzzled expression from… right before he discovered his wings. And before he can stop whatever magical bullshit is about to happen, there’s a <i>flame</i> between Josh’s hands.</p><p>“Joshua!” Gordon shouts, mind going into full Dad Mode. Joshua moves his hands apart, and the flame fizzles out. Gordon is at his side in an instant, checking his hands. “Are you okay? What was that!?”</p><p>“My hands felt funny!” is all Josh can say, but Gordon can see the confusion in his eyes as well.</p><p>After a moment of inspection, Gordon can see that Joshua’s hands are unscathed. He sighs in relief and pulls Josh in. The only warning Gordon can manage is, “Please be careful.”</p><p>“And you thought our dear friend Benrey was mistaken!” an unfamiliar voice says.</p><p>Gordon’s head immediately shoots up towards the source of the noise, but there’s nobody there.</p><p>“Crap, he heard you,” a different voice notes.</p><p>“Who the hell is there!?” Gordon calls out, moving between Joshua and the treeline.</p><p>The first voice ignores him. “Ah, well. It was bound to happen. We might as well introduce ourselves.”</p><p>Two figures suddenly appear where they were very much NOT standing before, and yeah, they’re both clearly Fae. One is sharp and gangly, while the other is short and round.</p><p>“Hello there!” the shorter one beams. “I’m Coomer. It’s a pleasure to meet you!”</p><p>“Hey,” the tall one sneers, “can I have your name?”</p><p>Gordon feels like he’s about to rip his hair out.</p><p>“Bubby!” Coomer admonishes, elbowing him. “That’s quite rude! We just met this man!”</p><p>Gordon smirks. “Bubby?” He can hear Joshua giggling behind him.</p><p>“Sh-shut up!” Bubby’s face turns a darker shade of blue. He deserves a little bit of embarrassment.</p><p>Coomer clears his throat. “Anyway. I presume you are this young man’s father, are you not?” He gestures to Joshua, who waves when he notices Coomer looking at him. Coomer waves back.</p><p>“Yes, I am,” Gordon states, trying to sound as firm as possible.</p><p>“Wonderful!” Coomer claps his hands together. “I believe we need to speak to you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yay! another chapter! so soon! i'm in a weird mindset today and idk why.</p><p>look at my tumblr please<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. talking can solve a lot of problems</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon has a conversation.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bubby and Coomer are… surprisingly nice, all things considered.</p><p>It’s clear that they’re interested in being civil, or, well, at least Coomer is. Bubby mostly grumbles and goes along with whatever the smaller man says. Which leads Gordon to a dilemma. Because while he’s almost positive that this is going to be a conversation he <i>doesn’t</i> want Joshua around for, it’s not like he can just let him run around outside while he talks with these two strangers. He’s not THAT stupid, not after these past few weeks.</p><p>Which is how three grown men end up sitting with their legs crossed on Gordon’s back patio. It’s not like he had any need for outdoor seating before now. At least he’s able to watch Joshua as he continues playing.</p><p>Gordon keeps an eye on Joshua while he speaks. “So,” he starts, “not to be blunt, but why are you here?”</p><p>“He already said we’re here to talk to you,” Bubby remarks in a condescending tone. “Learn to listen.”</p><p>Gordon decides that maybe he doesn’t want to be nice. “Okay, if we’re going to talk like that… Why did you go invisible and watch me and my son in <i>our</i> backyard?”</p><p>Luckily, Coomer is the one who pipes up. “You see, Mr…” He trails off.</p><p>Well, it’s not like he’s directly asking for it. “Freeman. Gordon Freeman.”</p><p>Coomer’s smile brightens. “Mr. Freeman. You’ve met our associate Benrey, correct?”</p><p>Gordon scoffs, crossing his arms. “Met is one way to put it.”</p><p>“That’s exactly what we wish to discuss with you,” Coomer carries on, and Gordon isn’t sure if it’s some kind of Fae magic, but he seems to radiate an aura of calmness. It’s in stark contrast to Bubby, who looks like he wants to rip Gordon’s head off for looking at him.</p><p>Bubby says, “We’re getting tired of Benrey fucking everyth-”</p><p>“Ssssh!” Gordon is quick to put a hand over Bubby’s mouth, which he seems annoyed by, and checks to make sure Joshua isn’t listening. Thankfully, Josh seems to have found more worms.</p><p>Bubby pushes Gordon’s hand away. “Don’t interrupt me!” he snarls.</p><p>“Don’t swear in front of my kid, man!”</p><p>“Now, now, gentlemen,” Coomer puts a hand on Bubby’s shoulder. The two older Fae exchange a look, and without another word, Bubby crosses his arms and slumps back.</p><p>Coomer clears his throat. “I apologize for his behavior, Mr. Freeman. We didn’t come here to argue about silly things. We’re here on business!”</p><p>“Business,” Gordon echoes.</p><p>“Yes, business!” Coomer says, and goodness, is he ever <i>not</i> cheerful? The constant smiling has to be hurting his cheeks, right? Coomer derails Gordon’s thoughts, saying, “Now, Benrey mentioned that your son is a mimic.”</p><p>Yeah, Gordon vaguely remembers them saying something like that right before he kicked them out for the second time. “Wait, that’s actually a thing?” he asks. He hadn’t really thought much about it, just that maybe the Fae was making a joke about how Joshua was copying them.</p><p>“Indeed it is!” Coomer confirms, but before Gordon can ask, he’s already explaining, almost like he’s reciting a research paper. “A mimic is a variety of Fae with standard Fae abilities such as flight, levitation, etcetera. They have the added ability to copy the powers of a single nearby Fae within range. In essence, their unique power is the ability to have other Fae’s unique powers.”</p><p>Gordon is taken aback. “Wait, that’s what Josh has been doing?” It would explain the weird… singing thing he did. He only sang like that when Benrey was around.</p><p>“I mean, yeah,” Bubby pipes up. “What did you think was happening? He mimicked my fire like five minutes ago.”</p><p>“I don’t know!” Gordon exclaims. “I don’t know a lot about Fae stuff!”</p><p>Bubby scoffs. “Well maybe you should. It’s <i>your</i> kid.”</p><p>It’s obvious to Gordon that Bubby’s trying to get a rise out of him, like a fisherman dangling a worm on a hook to a fish. But boy, he sure does feel like taking that bait.</p><p>“Which brings me to my next point!” Coomer interjects, thankfully, before Gordon can start throwing fists. “You may not be prepared to handle that.”</p><p>Gordon feels his entire body freeze. Of course! Of course they want to take Joshua away, just like Benrey! He was stupid to even entertain the idea of trusting them, let alone go through with it.</p><p>“And our nice conversation is over!” Gordon stands, his blood beginning to boil. “You two need to leave right now.” God, how much of an idiot could he be?</p><p>“Well, hang on just a minute!” Coomer tries, “All I’m saying is, we would know how to teach him to control his powers! He’d be better off with us!”</p><p>For just one second, Gordon swallows his anger. “Joshua. Outside time is over. Head inside.” He struggles to keep his tone even, because the last thing he needs right now is Joshua thinking he’s mad at him.</p><p>Joshua visibly deflates. “But Daddy! Worm bucket!”</p><p>“Let them go, we’ll make another worm bucket later,” Gordon says. He meets Joshua’s eyes, and dang, that kid looks sad. But Gordon doesn’t want to risk him overhearing what he’s about to say. He watches as Joshua overturns his bucket, setting all the worms free, before slowly making his way back into the house.</p><p>“Well that was rude,” Bubby comments, but Gordon is quick to start yelling.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up!” he shouts. “Seriously, what is wrong with you people!? You’d think you would stop after the first ‘no’, but you keep coming!”</p><p>Coomer tries to backpedal. “We didn’t mean any offense,” he stammers, “we just-”</p><p>“Offense!” Gordon almost laughs. He thinks he might be losing it. “That’s funny, because the note the other guy sent me was offensive! The <i>insinuation</i> that I can’t take take care of my own son is pretty fucking offensive! We’re past the point of no offense!”</p><p>Before they can respond, Gordon has already grabbed the broom leaning next to the back door. It’s not the first time he’s chased Fae away from his house, but dang… as he swings his broom at them, he wishes it’ll be the last.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>original versions of this chapter involved gordon's house getting burned down. for story reasons, i decided not to burn gordon's house down.</p><p>also, this took a little longer because i remembered i have the portal games so i played both portal games. and then i started playing bioshock. so.</p><p>i have a tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. we may have been approaching this incorrectly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two different realizations.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay so first things first, thank you EVERYONE for supporting and loving this fic. your comments and kudos fuel me and i want you to know that</p><p>next, fanart! theroboticscientist on tumblr made fanart for this fic and submitted it to my blog, and i love it so much and i want to hang it on my wall but then i'd have to explain to my parents why it's on my wall and i don't want to tell them what i'm doing on here. but check out this art, it's amazing<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/post/622933062974685184/sorry-that-this-is-basically-just-a-cleaned-up</p><p>and, lastly, just in case, a warning. gordon has major self-deprecating thoughts at the end of this chapter. basically after the break, he's freaking out the whole time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I was right.”</p><p>Coomer looks up at Bubby. The two had stopped their hasty escape once the Freeman residence was out of sight, but they had been silently trudging home for quite some time since. Coomer had been content to just leave their experience behind, but apparently, Bubby wanted to gloat.</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that,” Coomer argues. “It wasn’t necessarily a theory you subscribed to, was it?”</p><p>Bubby stops walking and crosses his arms once again. Classic pouting. “I called it!” he exclaims, “I said, ‘Hey, maybe this guy just cares a lot about his kid’, and everyone looked at me and said, ‘No! Bubby! You’re an idiot and we hate you!’ Well I’m not an idiot!”</p><p>They most certainly did <i>not</i> say that, Coomer remembers that night. The other Fae had rebuffed Bubby, that was true, but they weren’t cruel. Still, Coomer had to calm Bubby down back at their home before he set the whole place on fire, muttering the whole time.</p><p>Coomer sighs, placing an arm on Bubby’s shoulder. “We’ll have to talk to them.”</p><p>“Talk about what?”</p><p>Both Coomer and Bubby look up, towards the tree branches where Benrey is swinging their legs.</p><p>“Why, hello there Benrey!” Coomer shouts up at them and waves. “What are you doing up there?”</p><p>Bubby huffs at the question, and Coomer knows it’s because he thinks it’s stupid. Benrey is known to disappear on little journeys every so often, such as the time Tommy found them living in a tree with a family of squirrels. The squirrels had seemed relieved when Tommy took Benrey back to the village.</p><p>Benrey jumps from their perch, landing in front of the two old Fae. Coomer notices that they’re between his and Bubby’s height.</p><p>“I was just, uh, hanging out.” Benrey looks away. “I check on things.” Benrey seems to be mulling something over, but before Coomer can offer his assistance, they turn back towards the two older men, glaring sharply. “Like, things I have to do, and stuff.”</p><p>Coomer blinks a few times.</p><p>“Oh, this isn’t about-”</p><p>Benrey interrupts. “I just think, um… maybe you should mind your own business? Because, like, I can do things. I can do a lot of things. On my own.”</p><p>Without taking his eyes off Benrey, Bubby reaches back to grab Coomer’s hand. It’s then that Coomer notices that, hey, Benrey has shifted to be a <i>lot</i> taller than Bubby. They lumber over the two men as they shout. An obviously threatening display, one that Coomer is not unfamiliar with.</p><p>“Now, now, Benrey,” Coomer chides. He lifts Benrey over his head with ease, ignoring their shouts of protest. “You know better to throw a tantrum out here.”</p><p>“Put me down, put me down, put me down,” Benrey repeats, but they don’t make any actual movement to fight against Coomer’s hold.</p><p>“Good work, Coomer,” Bubby commends him, unable to stop the pride from leaking into his voice. “Let’s head back and talk to everyone, yeah?”</p><p>Coomer beams. “Excellent idea, dear Bubby.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- - - -</b>
  </p>
</div>Joshua did not take the news that they would be moving well.<p>In fact, Gordon thinks, he may have taken it the worst possible way, which is stopping halfway through his breakfast to barricade himself in his room and refusing to talk to him. He’d only shuffled out when Gordon had offered him lunch, which was grilled cheese! His favorite! But… Josh hadn’t spoken at all as he ate his meal, just silently chewed his food.</p><p>Gordon felt his heart breaking.</p><p>Because he tried everything! He asked Josh if he wanted to draw, play games, even fucking assemble a puzzle! But everytime Gordon tried to talk through his door, Joshua ignored him.</p><p>So Gordon sits on his couch and thinks about how much he’s fucked up.</p><p>He had to have gone wrong at <i>some</i> point, it's the only thing that makes sense. But for the life of him, Gordon can't figure out where. He can't figure out why it's his life that has to suck.</p><p>Maybe it was leaving home at such a young age, but he's not in a dark enough place to believe that yet.</p><p>Gordon's chest aches, but at the same time it feels kind of empty.</p><p>He's not good at this, is he? A good parent would know how to help their kid right now, but Gordon can't think of anything. He's terrible. He's a terrible human being and father, and what was he thinking? He'll never be able to do this, not alone, but it's not like he has anyone to help!</p><p>He's a freak! A loser! He's someone so hated, so despised by the universe, that there is absolutely no fixing what he's messed up.</p><p>So yeah, who's gonna help someone like that?</p><p>Gordon doesn't realize how hard he's digging his nails into his arms until he hears the knock at the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as is custom, check out my tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p><p>i love you.</p><p>hey wait a minute im looking at this and i just realized i hit exactly 7000 words. how the fuck did i do that</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the one where things change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon plays baseball.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i posted boomer fic a few days ago. it's pretty good i don't think i'll ever top it. check it out if you're interested.</p><p>anyway, remember that baseball bat gordon mentioned a few chapters ago? note the new tag.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Man, this is stupid,” Benrey whines.</p><p>Tommy doesn’t respond. Firmly but gently, he shoves Benrey closer to the front door.</p><p>“Bro, I already knocked, man,” Benrey mumbles as they try to move back towards Tommy. Standing on the doorstep of the man you’ve been harassing for several weeks is not conducive to confidence, especially when it comes to what Benrey is about to do.</p><p>Tommy grabs their shoulders and turns them around, facing the door again. “<i>But!</i> You’re the one who has to say things. I’m just- just emotional support.”</p><p>Ugh. They’re gonna hate this.</p><p>“S’not fair that the, um, old guys, aren’t here.” Benrey crosses their arms and looks towards the floor, because suddenly stone is much more interesting than the unmoving door.</p><p>It’s good stone.</p><p>Not bad.</p><p>“I can think of a… a few reasons why they aren’t here,” Tommy says, and Benrey already knows them. Two is already way too many people, but can’t they just complain?</p><p>The answer is, apparently, no. Because the door creaks open and hey, there’s the dude Benrey loves to bother! And Benrey is already congratulating themself, because this is actually some good progress. Being upfront and stuff.</p><p>But then the human’s eyes narrow, and before Benrey can say anything, they've been hit by a baseball bat.</p><p>Luckily they're wearing their helmet!</p><p>Unluckily, they're hit on the side of their face, where there is no helmet. They're down in an instant.</p><p>"Ouch," Benrey states.</p><p>The man stands above him with the bat raised. "Why do you keep coming back!?"</p><p>"W-w-wait!" Tommy shouts, moving between Benrey and the human. "This isn't- this is different! We're not here for your kid!"</p><p>The human, only slightly, lowers his baseball bat. "What?"</p><p>Benrey props themself up on one of their elbows, pressing a hand to their bruised cheek. They wince at the sting. That's definitely gonna suck for a while.</p><p>They’re startled by Tommy grabbing their arm and yanking them up. “We, um- Benrey has something to tell you!”</p><p>God damn it. The human man (Benrey is SURE Coomer mentioned his name, but for the life of them, they can’t remember) keeps his bat by his side, raised like he’s a batter waiting for a pitcher to throw a baseball.</p><p>“Yeah, uh.” Benrey shakes off Tommy’s hand. They brush themself off and rub the red mark on their face again. “That hurt man. Why’d you do that?”</p><p>The human looks like he’s about to explode. Like physically combust, which is why Benrey is sad that they’ve only seen Bubby burst into flames before and therefore it’s probably only a Fae thing. That sucks. They’d definitely feel a lot better if people were exploding right now.</p><p>“Benrey!” Tommy scolds. But so what if they wanted to fuck around a little before they got serious? They are who they are.</p><p>“Okay, jeez,” Benrey relents when it looks like they’re about to get hit by a baseball bat again. “I, um, have to say I’m sorry, and stuff.”</p><p>The human freezes and his brow furrows. Ugh, stupid humans with their stupid slow brains. They’re always thinking about stuff! It annoys Benrey, just think about nothing please?</p><p>“W-what?” the human stammers out, and Benrey can see he’s clutching the bat a little tighter now.</p><p>“Man, fuck this,” Benrey says to Tommy. “He’s not even gonna like, hear me man. I told you we should just stop.”</p><p>Toomy gives him a look. “Tell him what you’re- what you’re apologizing for, Benrey!”</p><p>The human shakes off his stunned look, jumping right back into anger. “Yeah!” He points his bat at Benrey. “What are you sorry for, huh!? Is it harassing me for a whole month!? Threatening to kidnap my son?!”</p><p>Tommy turns to Benrey. “You threatened to kidnap the kid?!”</p><p>“No!” Benrey shouts. “I just… just asked him for it. I don’t know what- he’s makin’ a big deal out of it. I didn’t wanna kidnap.” They kick at the ground pathetically, like a child.</p><p>The human mulls it over for a moment. “Okay, but-”</p><p>“But I’m sorry, man,” Benrey interrupts, because they REALLY don’t want to keep arguing over stupid stuff. “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have kept asking for your kid after you said no. Or at all really. We, um, all of us thought wrong.”</p><p>The human lowers his bat and tilts his head. “You… thought wrong?” he asks, like he doesn’t know the meaning.</p><p>Dang, did Coomer and Bubby explain anything to this guy?</p><p>“Oh, um,” Tommy pipes up. “You see, Mr. Freeman-” He suddenly stops himself. “That’s- that’s your name, right? Mr. Coomer said it was.”</p><p>Now that Benrey thinks about it, Freeman <i>does</i> sound familiar. The human glances at Benrey before he says, “Yeah. Gordon Freeman.”</p><p>Benrey thinks that’s a stupid name. They’re gonna have to think up a way to make it stupider.</p><p>Tommy continues. “See, we live a- a little bit aways from here, in the woods! And we could tell that there was a Fae living in this house, and we, um,” Tommy begins to falter. “We thought…”</p><p>“Humans don’t really like having Fae kids,” Benrey says, and though it’s a statement of fact, it hangs heavy.</p><p>Gordon’s face softens. “Oh. Oh, you…”</p><p>Neither of them meet his eyes.</p><p>He takes a deep breath. “It’s- I can understand. Thinking that.” Gordon admits, his words slow and carefully picked. “Joshua’s my whole life. I’ve never… not been scared for him.”</p><p>Looking back up at Gordon, Benrey can see that though he’s now longer brandishing the bat as a weapon, he’s still clutching tightly onto the wood. Not out of distrust, but out of a need to hold. When Gordon sees Benrey’s gaze land on the bat, though, he quickly puts it on the ground.</p><p>“But you guys keep saying he’s a Fae, and that’s only half true,” Gordon sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Josh is human, too. I know where he came from. He’s my son.”</p><p>Right. That… makes sense.</p><p>“Yeah, we… we know that,” Benrey mumbles. Damn, this is so embarrassing. “We’re gonna, um. Leave. Now. Sorry again.” </p><p>Tommy and Benrey begin to walk back down the Freemans’ steps. Something changes. In a weird inversion, Gordon stops them.</p><p>“Wait, uh,” he says. “Hang on a minute.”</p><p>It’s such a shock to Benrey that they swear their heart stops beating.</p><p>Gordon rubs the back of his head. “Look, Joshua <i>is</i> human, but he’s also half Fae, and… he made fire yesterday! With his hands! I literally don’t have any basis for that, let alone any of his other powers, and-” Gordon snaps his mouth shut. He balls his fists, takes a deep breath, and says</p><p>“I think you’re telling the truth. So please help me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh wow! a chapter!</p><p>in life news, partway through writing this (aka, an hour ago) i got an email from one of my future roommates, which is how i realized my college's dorm assignments are out dkjklfdsfd</p><p>here's my tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. gordon likes people that are good with kids</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lunch time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>beta's asleep but i physically can't stop myself from posting so sorry.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They make a schedule. Or at least, they make the idea of a schedule. They make something that resembles a schedule in concept, but not really in application. Because, no matter how much the Fae insist that it is, showing up every few days or so is <i>not</i> a schedule in the slightest. But it’s not like Gordon is actually… doing anything that they would need to work around, so he can’t really complain when they stop by whenever they please.</p><p>The basic idea of the lessons are simple: teach Josh how to control his powers, even the ones he only has by proxy.</p><p>Now, Gordon is never going to admit this, but seeing Josh interact with other people is kind of nice. Of course he’s never going to leave these people alone with his kid, they’ve got a lot to prove before they’re going to receive that privilege. But Joshua is an extroverted kid, only hampered by the fact that his dad is so scared that he doesn’t let him talk to anyone.</p><p>Hm. Gordon realizes that’s another strike against him.</p><p>Oh well.</p><p>The Freemans quickly become acquainted with the Fae. It’s stilted at first, obviously, but Gordon puts the effort in and it gets better.</p><p>Like Coomer and Bubby! They’d started off by apologizing for their incident, even though Benrey had already apologized on everyone’s behalf. When Gordon tried to apologize for smacking them with a broom, Coomer insisted it was fine and he barely felt it. Bubby complained though.</p><p>They’ve both been excellent teachers for Joshua, both solo and together. Coomer’s powers may not be the most complex thing to teach Josh (lift heavy thing isn’t that difficult of an instruction), but he still makes sure to emphasize that gentleness is important as well. Coomer and Josh had even conspired to show Gordon their progress by having Josh sneak up and lift his father above his head. Which was… something Gordon never wants to experience again.</p><p>But Gordon was only distracted because he was talking to Tommy! Because he’s kind of friends with Tommy now too! Like yeah, apparently he was behind the letter-writing thing, but hey, he was working off of false assumptions, and Gordon didn’t really hold it against him.</p><p>The Fae had explained their situation to Gordon, too. They weren’t part of any court, but rather lived together in a small village a little bit away from his house. There were two more Fae who lived there, Darnold (who came by with the others sometimes, but didn’t really help with Josh) and Tommy’s dad (who, from the sound of it, Gordon never wanted to meet).</p><p>The only outlier is Benrey.</p><p>It’s not like he hates Benrey, yeah? They’re actually… kind of okay with each other, all things considered. They aren’t friendly though, but they are friend-like. Friend adjacent?</p><p>Their relationship is entirely Benrey poking fun at Gordon. Gordon isn’t sure how he feels about that, but it isn’t bad.</p><p>Benrey still breaks in, though. Usually by the mail slot, but sometimes an open window, which is where Gordon finds them. Once again, they’re only a few inches tall.</p><p>“Hey there,” Gordon greets them, offering a hand. “Wanna lift down?”</p><p>“Hey,” Benrey mumbles. “Um, no. I’ll jump down it’s fine.”</p><p>Gordon shrugs. Might as well be a courteous host. “I was just about to start making lunch.” Benrey leaps from the windowsill onto the floor. “I’ll let you have some if you keep Josh company while I make it.”</p><p>“Oh, hm.” Benrey places a hand on their chin. “Yeah sure.”</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Benrey has grown to a more human size. They have their hands shoved into their hoodie pockets.</p><p>“Today’s a tall day?” Gordon asks, looking up at them slightly.</p><p>“Today’s a tall day,” Benrey confirms.</p><p>Turns out, Benrey’s isn’t that bad when they’re not trying to steal your kid.</p><p>Gordon busies himself with pulling out sandwich condiments while Benrey sits by Joshua on the floor, asking about his board games. It’s nice to hear his son explain the rules of the last game they played.</p><p>“So the game is, um, Chutes and Ladders!” Joshua points at the box. “And you have these little things that are your… um, you move it around! And if you move it under a ladder, you get to climb up it!”</p><p>Benrey nods, looking similar to a scholar receiving wisdom. “What happens if I move to the top of a ladder?”</p><p>“Nothing! You don’t do anything.” Joshua looks like he’s about to continue, but Benrey cuts him off.</p><p>“What if I, um, want to go down the ladder, though?” Benrey asks.</p><p>Joshua tilts his head. “But then you would get far away from the winner spot? You would be losing.”</p><p>Benrey tsks. “You obviously don’t understand strategy. Going down the ladders is obviously a speedrunning strategy, you’re just too small to get that yet.”</p><p>Oh. They’re messing with Joshua.</p><p>Gordon finishes the last of the PB&amp;Js and begins rifling around the cabinet for the sandwich cutters. That’s kinda cute.</p><p>Joshua sputters. “Wh- but my dad says I’m a big kid! And that’s not how you win!”</p><p>Wait, did he just think Benrey was cute?</p><p>Benrey shakes their head. “Yeah, you’re a big kid to your dad. I can be way bigger than your dad so that doesn’t mean anything. I bet I can play Chutes and Ladders better than you without knowing what the chutes do.”</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>Gordon is <i>NOT</i> ready to deal with that! He quickly grabs the dino cutters.</p><p>“Hey, Benrey!” Gordon calls out, desperate to distract himself. “Do you want dino shaped sandwich slices?”</p><p>Benrey’s eyes light up. “Oh, fu- frick yeah, dude. Totally. I want the scraps too though.”</p><p>Fuck! They even censored themself!</p><p>Gordon slides their sandwiches onto plates, Benrey’s including the leftover crust. And you know what? He throws in the crust from Joshua’s sandwich too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh it's happening guys.</p><p>tumblr (PLEASE INTERACT I CRAVE INTERACTION)<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. imagine you are a small child</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Joshua makes some observations.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Look, kids aren’t idiots, okay? And Joshua knows he’d have to be the idiot to end all idiots if he thought his life was normal before, because there’s no way that your dad dressing you in long sleeves, gloves, and a hat whenever you go into town is considered normal. His dad has read him books, he’s seen TV. He knows what people are supposed to do and look like and…</p><p>None of what he does seems right in comparison.</p><p>Joshua used to look at his hands a lot, especially where they began to turn blue, and then look at his dad’s and think, <i>‘Those are different’</i>. And when Dad would comb his hair and accidentally brush against the pokey part of his ears, he would look at his dad’s ears and marvel at how round they were.</p><p>Not a lot of people on TV look like that.</p><p>At least back then things were the same! All Josh did was play with toys all day and then go to sleep! It was so much fun! But when his powers started coming in, Dad started getting really scared, which was way less fun. Then there was that weird day where Dad woke him up and let him sleep on the couch? Joshua still isn’t sure what happened then, but things got real weird after that.</p><p>But now people come to the house! And it’s exciting, because people <i>never</i> used to come to the house. And also! Joshua gets to practice his powers without Dad looking scared, which is a plus! Like when Mr. Coomer comes by and he gets to be real strong! Or when he gets to set stuff on fire with Mr. Bubby! And when he’s near Tommy he knows a lot of stuff without it being explained, which is super cool!</p><p>Josh thinks the sweet voice lessons with Benrey are the most fun, though, because the colors are so pretty. Tommy’s usually there too, and he says it’s just to help Josh know what he’s saying, but he just ends up explaining everything to Dad.</p><p>But something weird happens during sweet voice time.</p><p>They’re all sitting on the floor of the Freeman house. Joshua’s dad is, yet again, messing with him by pretending he knows what yellow to blue means.</p><p>“No! No it doesn’t!” Joshua complains, stomping his feet. He stands right in front of his dad and grabs his face. “It doesn’t mean howdy doo!”</p><p>“I don’t know what to tell you, man,” Dad smirks. “It’s howdy doo.”</p><p>“It’s nooooot!” Joshua whines. “Yellow to blue means it’s good to see you! I know that in my head because Tommy is here!”</p><p>Joshua looks to Tommy for help, but he’s too busy giggling to himself. Benrey also appears amused by the scene, but they don’t say anything either. Defeated, Joshua slumps into his dad’s lap.</p><p>“Aw, don’t be like that,” Dad says, finally breaking his smug act and laughing.</p><p>The laugh seems to be what does it.</p><p>Benrey stands up, their face all twisted. “I need to go to the bathroom,” they blurt out, leaving before anyone can respond.</p><p>Joshua looks up at his dad. He’s staring at the hallway Benrey disappeared into, and Josh can tell he’s biting his cheek. Tommy seems like he's wincing. The silence is so stifling that Josh feels like he has to break it.</p><p>"Um," he pipes up. "I wanna show Mr. Snuggly to Tommy. Can I go get him?"</p><p>Dad snaps out of whatever he was thinking. "Yeah, sure, go ahead." Well, no need to tell him twice! Josh clambers out of his dad’s lap and scurries down the hall. </p><p>Oh, Tommy is going to love meeting Mr. Snuggly! Out of all his toys, Joshua loves his stuffed rabbit the most. He’s so soft, and just the right size for hugging, so really there’s nothing there for Tommy to hate. And even-</p><p>Hang on a minute.</p><p>If Benrey’s going to the bathroom then…</p><p>Why did they leave the bathroom door open? And why can Joshua hear them singing? That’s not typical bathroom stuff.</p><p>So maybe Josh doesn’t immediately get Mr. Snuggles from his room. Maybe he waits a few seconds for Benrey to leave, and to slip into the bathroom after them. Maybe the bathroom is covered in dozens of glittering sweet voice orbs, starting at a bright and vibrant pink and ending with a dark blue.</p><p>And maybe Josh is still close enough to Tommy to know that pink to blue means “I love you.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- - - -</b>
  </p>
</div>Joshua doesn’t get a chance to actually talk to anyone about it for a while. In fact, it isn’t until his dad and Benrey get into a non-serious argument over their planters that he’s able to sneak up to Tommy, who’s sitting against one of the empty planters.<p>“Um, Tommy?” Josh asks, tugging Tommy’s shirt.</p><p>Tommy turns his attention away from the fight. “Oh, um… hey Josh! Do you need something?”</p><p>Josh takes a deep breath. “Can I ask you a question?”</p><p>“Of- of course!” Tommy smiles, bright enough that Josh thinks he might need sunglasses.</p><p>Here goes. “What does pink to blue mean, again?”</p><p>Tommy tilts his head, but the expression on his face is unreadable. “Joshua, you know that one.”</p><p>“Yeah, but,” Josh starts playing with his hands. “Is it like teal? Like there’s more than one meaning?”</p><p>“No,” Tommy shakes his head, but Josh is startled when he puts a hand on his shoulder and is suddenly kneeling in front of him. “Is everything alright?”</p><p>Well, no point in hiding it from Tommy. Josh whispers as quietly as he can, “I think Benrey likes my dad.”</p><p>Tommy glances over at Josh’s dad and Benrey, one of whom is shouting, the other with a smug grin on their face. “Uh…”</p><p>“I mean!” Joshua starts tripping over his words. “I mean usually. Dad likes to argue with Benrey but I don’t think he’s being mean? And Benrey knows that.”</p><p>Tommy nods his head. “You know- you know what? I think you’re right.”</p><p>Joshua’s eyes light up. “Really?”</p><p>“You’re a smart kid,” Tommy says, poking the top of Josh’s head. “So how do you think your dad feels about him? Does he lo- like, Benrey too?”</p><p>Oh that’s tough. Joshua thinks really hard, about the times Benrey came into their house without them knowing. How they used to harass Dad back then, and how Dad would get so angry. But he also thinks about how happy his dad looks after they’ve spent a day with Benrey. About how he’s started finding snacks in the cupboard neither of them would eat but Benrey loves. About the time his dad turned all red after he looked at Benrey for a long time.</p><p>“I…” Josh says. “I don’t think he used to. But he does now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>tommy: you suck so much at keeping secrets benrey</p><p>my tumblr<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. huh? whuh?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The thing about love and self esteem issues...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>decided to add the "Self-Esteem Issues" tag for obvious reasons aka Gordon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something fucky is happening.</p><p>It’s early one morning when Gordon first notices it. He’s shuffling into the kitchen for his morning coffee, rubbing sleep from his eyes, when he sees… <i>something</i> moving on the windowsill. And, it turns out, his instincts from back when Benrey would constantly harass them haven’t dulled that much, because the first thing he does is swing the window open and find...</p><p>a pinecone?</p><p>Gordon picks it up. That’s… really weird. Because there aren’t any pine trees surrounding his house, let alone next to the kitchen window. It’s actually a pretty big one, from what he can tell, but then again Gordon isn’t exactly an expert on trees.</p><p>Whatever, he can think about this later. Gordon leaves the pinecone next to the coffeemaker as he prepares his drink. He ends up completely forgetting about it until later that day.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>- - - -</b>
  </p>
</div>After a long ten minutes of sitting around the backyard while Coomer explains different Fae powers to Joshua, Bubby decides he’s absolutely famished and demands a snack from Gordon’s kitchen.<p>“Um, I can go grab you something?” Gordon offers. Coomer continues speaking as if nobody else is talking.</p><p>“No, I wanna see what you have,” Bubby argues, because Bubby loves to argue.</p><p>Gordon sighs, pushing up his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. As he stands he looks to the other three people in his yard. “Do you guys want anything?”</p><p>Coomer pauses his narration. “No thank you, Gordon!”</p><p>Josh perks up. “Apple slices, please!”</p><p>Benrey says nothing. They’re laying on their back in the grass, looking up at the sky.</p><p>“Benrey?” Gordon asks.</p><p>They startle and look towards Gordon. “Wha-? Um, no… no thanks no snacks.”</p><p>Huh. Zone out much? Gordon gestures for Bubby to follow him, and the two make their way through the backdoor and into the kitchen.</p><p>"Feel free to look through the cabinets," Gordon tells him as he grabs an apple for Josh. "Actually, can you hand me the apple slicer? It's in the drawer under the coffeemaker." He points behind Bubby. "It has a plastic handle, so you should be fine."</p><p>Bubby grumbles something about doing so much for everyone, but he doesn't actually deny Gordon's request. In fact, he forgets all about his complaints when he notices the item next to the coffeemaker.</p><p>"Ooh, someone got a pinecone!" Bubby practically giggles. But then he sighs, and his smile turns from mischievous to nostalgic. "I remember when Harold first started giving me these. It was sappy, in both definitions of the word. But very nice." He hands Gordon the apple cutter, keeping an eye on his fingers.</p><p>"What?" Gordon asks, because what the fuck is Bubby talking about.</p><p>"You know, like leaving pinecones for the person you want to date?" Bubby turns around and begins rifling through Gordon's cabinets. "Does nobody ask you out, Gordon?"</p><p>If Gordon weren't so used to being teased by the Fae and maybe a little less confused, he would have started ripping into Bubby about simultaneously insulting him and raiding his kitchen for goods. But Gordon is trying very hard these days to drop the stressed out attitude.</p><p>"That's- that's not a human thing, dude," Gordon explains.</p><p>Bubby laughs, but it sounds more like a cackle. "Someone's flirting with you and you had no idea!" He's still going through every food item Gordon owns.</p><p>"I didn’t even see who it was!" Gordon exclaims, putting Joshua’s apple slices on a paper plate for him.</p><p>“That’s the point, dingus!” Bubby snatches a box from the cabinet. “Ew, these are expired.”</p><p>“Well they’re from the back of the shelf! Look at the stuff at the front!” Gordon can feel his blood pressure rising. “And what do you <i>mean</i> that’s the point?”</p><p>Bubby rolls his eyes. “Do they teach you guys anything? If you want to confess your feelings to someone, you start leaving pinecones outside their house at night. And then when they catch you, you have to tell them how you feel.”</p><p>Gordon blinks. “That doesn’t… make any sense? Who the fuck would do that for <i>me</i>?”</p><p>“I dunno,” Bubby shrugs. “Probably Benrey.”</p><p>Hm. Yeah, that seems like something would Benrey do. Pretend to flirt with Gordon for shits and giggles. Get his hopes up and then make fun of him for it.</p><p>Bubby’s eyes light up as he finally finds his snack. “Oh, Teddy Grahams! I could fuck up some Teddy Grahams! Let’s head back out now.”</p><p>Back.</p><p>Out.</p><p>Oh fuck! He left Joshua out there alone with Coomer and Benrey! Sure, he trusts them now, but not that much! But when Gordon snaps his head towards the kitchen window, the same one he found the pinecone resting on, he doesn’t see his worst fears.</p><p>All three of them are still there. Coomer looks like he’s still lecturing, but Benrey has sat up. They’re clearly still not paying attention, though. Joshua is sitting in their lap, and Benrey is smiling down at him. Not with some malicious smile, no, but rather something warm.</p><p>It’s a surprisingly nice scene.</p><p>“Yeah,” Gordon starts speaking before he realizes. His eyes don’t leave Joshua and Benrey sitting together. “Yeah, back outside.”</p><p>“Someone has it bad,” Bubby comments.</p><p>Gordon finally looks back towards the other man. Bubby has the most annoying smirk. “Shut up.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, you may notice! i have added the total number of chapters! we're in the endgame now, guys. next chapter is the end of the "main" story, but i want to include an epilogue for soft moments. but there will be more fics after this, don't worry! they may not be fae, but i love aus guys.</p><p>it's wild to me how many people actually like this? like i shared the last chapter in a server i'm in and people were like "THATS YOU OH MY HGOD" (hi grtv server kisses mwah). and even though i've been writing fanfiction for years, this is going to be the first multi-chapter one i actually finish? weird stuff. so thanks guys. i'm not sure i would have finished if it wasn't for your support</p><p>as always! check out my tumblr! i post mirrors of the fic, links, and also reblog and answer questions if you have any<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. is it gay to...?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey gets nowhere. Until they don't.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well guys, here we are! the last "real" chapter of this fic. it's been... strange. and fun. i'm really touched and honored by the amount of kudos and support this fic has gotten, and i don't think i'm ever going to get over it. like! over 300 people looked at this fic? what the fuck is that! that's awesome!</p>
<p>there's going to be a short, fluffy epilogue that i'm going to push out sometime this week. and after? i'm going to talk more about that in the notes below.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The only thing Benrey can ask themself at this point is <i>'Why isn't anything working?'</i>, which turns out to be a difficult question to answer.</p>
<p>Because that first morning, when Gordon almost saw them, Benrey thought they blew it already. And later that day, when they all lounged around in Gordon's yard, Benrey thought maybe he was playing ignorant for the game. Give it a few days and all, you know? Let Benrey have their fun.</p>
<p>It's been three weeks.</p>
<p>Benrey has left pinecones for Gordon around twenty times now, and Gordon hasn't even tried to catch them. Hasn't even <i>tried</i> getting up earlier, or setting a trap. Benrey's taken to lingering at the scene of the crime just to give Gordon a chance, but even then they're pushing it.</p>
<p>And Godon’s been more snappy and mean to them than before. That’s not what you’re supposed to do! He seems like he’s angry that Benrey is even leaving pinecones in the first place (if he even knows), but he doesn’t do anything about it!</p>
<p>Almost makes Benrey think that maybe he isn't interested.</p>
<p>Which is stupid! Because Tommy said he had it on "good authority" (whatever that means) that Gordon like-likes them too! And Tommy can suss out lies like his dog sniff for sticks, so he had to be telling the truth.</p>
<p>So what the fuck! Benrey's all for a little flirtation or whatever, but this is getting ridiculous. </p>
<p>It’s time for pinecone number twenty-one, and Benrey thinks at this point it’s time to maybe drop the charade of a fun game. Gordon obviously knows what’s happening and just isn’t playing, so they might as well cut this short. Benrey places the pinecone on Gordon’s kitchen windowsill, sits, and waits.</p>
<p>They end up waiting for well over an hour, but that’s fine. If this is gonna go good, then Benrey’s willing to wait. Eventually, Gordon gets up for the morning, and when he shuffles into his kitchen, he sees the pinecone. He opens the window, only to see…</p>
<p>Benrey, sitting in the grass.</p>
<p>“Oh no. You caught me.”</p>
<p>Gordon grimaces. “Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“It’s… it’s a real shame you caught me,” Benrey doesn’t let their facial expression change, because they know they’ll look stupid. “Man. Now I have to… confess stuff.”</p>
<p>“Benrey.” Gordon throws the pinecone at them. “Stop.”</p>
<p>Rejection?! Oh that hurts.</p>
<p>“Ouch,” Benrey whines, but they’re not sure if they’re talking about the physical or the emotional impact. “Didn’t even- didn’t even listen to me. Cringe. Please let me come inside? Let me say the thing?”</p>
<p>Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m not gonna let you come in here just to mess with me!”</p>
<p>Benrey blinks.</p>
<p>“Whuh?”</p>
<p>“Forget it. Stop.”</p>
<p>“I’m coming inside.”</p>
<p>“I’m not opening the do-” Gordon is cut off by a now much smaller Benrey flying in through his window, because <i>right</i>, the wings. He kinda forgot about those.</p>
<p>Benrey laughs. “Look, I’m inside.”</p>
<p>All Gordon can do is rest his face in his hands, because this is the most stressed he’s gotten since Benrey used to harass him. Which they still do, kinda. Which they’re trying to do right now.</p>
<p>“I’ll get the flyswatter I swear to god,” Gordon mumbles into his hands.</p>
<p>“Gonna be hard when I’m big again.”</p>
<p>Gordon looks up and, much to his dismay, Benrey is once again regular person-sized and sitting on his kitchen counter. As if they fucking need to, they apparently like to antagonize Gordon with their height as well!</p>
<p>“Okay,” Benrey takes a deep breath. “I gotta say it now.”</p>
<p>“Benrey, I’m serious. Don’t fuck around with me,” Gordon says, crossing his arms. There’s a graveness to it that gives Benrey pause.</p>
<p>“I’m… not fucking around?” Benrey frowns. “Did you think I was being mean? I mean I thought you were just bad at game, but…”</p>
<p>Gordon suddenly feels like his breath is caught in his chest. “Wait. You’ve been serious?”</p>
<p>This is genuinely the most distressed Gordon has seen Benrey. “Yeah, man. I wouldn’t- it’s not cool to mess with pinecone stuff.”</p>
<p>Pinecone stuff.</p>
<p>They just called it. Pinecone stuff.</p>
<p>It’s so absurd that Gordon starts laughing. It’s so absurd that Gordon starts crying.</p>
<p>“Woah, um, hey,” Benrey hops down off the counter, reaching out to Gordon but not quite making contact. “I don’t gotta say anything if you don’t wanna hear. I can, uh-”</p>
<p>“No, wait.” Gordon takes a moment to prepare himself mentally for this. He grabs one of Benrey’s hands. “You can say it.”</p>
<p>Benrey’s face flushes, glancing at their clasped hands and aw, they’re cute. “Okay fine, Gordon, um… Feetman. Freeman. Gordon Feetman.”</p>
<p>“Benrey,” Gordon narrows his eyes.</p>
<p>“Freeman,” they correct themself. “I love you.”</p>
<p>A warm feeling spreads through Gordon’s chest, and the stupid smile on his face makes him feel like he’s a teenager again.</p>
<p>“I love you too,” Gordon says, and BOY does that feel like a weight off his shoulders.</p>
<p>The kiss they find is natural. It is sweet, or rather, it is everything they are not. It is the start of something new.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we made it! 11 chapters down, an epilogue to go! as i said above, it's time to discuss the future.</p>
<p>will i write more fae au? i can't think of anything i COULD write, but if something comes to me, maybe?</p>
<p>my next plan is actually sodashipping! i've been developing a sort of gods au, and it's kind of stupid in the "you developed an entire gods au for this gmod half-life parody" way. but i love it! and i think you guys might like it too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. the epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's a good day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tumblr up here. stupid shit in end notes.<br/>https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things are different, but that isn’t a bad thing. For example, Benrey makes an <i>excellent</i> pillow, though Gordon doesn’t allow them into bed when they’re under a certain size for fear of crushing. But those mornings Benrey <i>is</i> there are the ones Gordon finds the hardest to wake up to.</p>
<p>Benrey’s all but moved into the Freeman house, but it’s not one-hundred percent official yet. There are still a few nights Benrey doesn’t show up to sleep, and Gordon’s beginning to suspect he may have to track down another ancient fae tradition to actually make Benrey’s residency permanent. Not that he’s complaining, though! Fae traditions are weirdly fun?</p>
<p>But Gordon doesn’t have to worry about that today, because Benrey is here. However, that does mean that he has to worry about actually getting up.</p>
<p>“Benrey, please,” Gordon begs, but it only prompts Benrey to pull him closer. “I have to go make Josh breakfast.”</p>
<p>Benrey doesn’t say anything, but their content sigh speaks volumes.</p>
<p>Gordon decides to try another approach. “Benrey, I have to go take care of our son.”</p>
<p>Something about the words “our son” never fails to fluster Benrey. They hide their face under the blanket, mumbling curses and allowing Gordon to slip away.</p>
<p>“Fine, go take care of little kid, see if I care,” Benrey rambles. Gordon rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>He kisses them on the head before leaving.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>part of my writing process is sending my good friend scenarios, mostly in script form. here are some for this fic:</p>
<p>benrey: bro i don't understand? just give me the baby man<br/>josh: im not a baby!<br/>gordon: josh cover your ears<br/>josh: okay!<br/>gordon: what in the actual goddamn FUCK makes you think im just gonna give you my son?<br/>benrey:<br/>benrey: please?</p>
<p>benrey: bro what if i marry you. then it's also my son and i can take him<br/>gordon:.... no!?!</p>
<p>benrey: idk why this dude is so angry.... it's like he wants to keep his kid or something<br/>tommy: maybe he wants to keep his kid?<br/>benrey: no, that cant be it</p>
<p>tommy: i'll let you be tiny and sit on my shelves<br/>benrey: (sniffles) really?</p>
<p>me, remembers gordon knows benrey's name now: fuck fuck fuck (changing all moments benrey is referred to)</p>
<p>"fae au josh loudly asks his dad if he likes benrey and gordon is just like "yeah we're friends" and josh just keeps staring and gordon stares right back"</p>
<p>tommy: wait you like benrey<br/>gordon: yeah<br/>tommy: but you- you don't act nice to him!<br/>gordon: the day i actively flirt with anyone is the day i die</p>
<p>joshua: dad?<br/>gordon: yeah?<br/>joshua: i was talking to tommy<br/>gordon: sometimes a good thing<br/>joshua: and tommy said that un<br/>joshua: it's okay to have one parent, but usually it's easier if you have more than one becauae then there's more people to take care of you<br/>joshua: so um... why do i only have one?<br/>gordon: oh...<br/>gordon: uh...<br/>gordon: i decided i was capable of taking care of you on my own, so i did<br/>joshua: so could i get another parent?<br/>gordon: if you know any candidates let me know<br/>joshua: benrey?<br/>gordon:<br/>gordon: be quiet please</p>
<p>tommy: benrey left a pinecone for you that means they're gay<br/>gordon:<br/>gordon: what?</p>
<p>gordon: wait who's leaving me pinecones<br/>bubby, who knows benrey has a huge crush: it's probably benrey<br/>gordon, who thinks benrey is antagonizing him: yeah it's probably benrey</p>
<p>also a particularly funny one they sent me<br/>"rhe end of chapter notes should be 'gordon plays baseball. with benreys skull'" (talking about chapter 6)</p>
<p>thank you guys. seriously, the amount of love this fic has received was more than i ever thought. i was more than prepared to see this get ignored and forgotten, but that isn't what happened at all? i love you guys and promise more fic in the future.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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